We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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