on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
