I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My vagina just recognized that song.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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