This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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