At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
