She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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