Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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