i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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