When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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