yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
