I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
