I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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