Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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