I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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