Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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