Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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