Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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