No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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