Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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