Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
