1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize