the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
