Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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