A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
