I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
