well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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