I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My dad is sitting where you rode me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
