Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
