Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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