....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sarcasm needs its own font
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
