wat bout pragnant strippers??
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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