omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
