last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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