I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
