I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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