you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
