So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
