im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
