i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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