thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
