he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
