She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
