The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
