I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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