I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
