Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
