you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
