If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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