I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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