Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize