I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
