there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
