I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
