can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
