We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i think i have herpe
just one?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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