if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
