I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
