Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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