I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
