i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
