i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
