I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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